Letter to myself
I wrote this many years ago as a letter to my self. I never did anything with it, I let it sit in a file until today when I remembered I had wrote them and decided to share them, in the thought that perhaps someone else needs a gentle reminder of their beauty. If you don't know much about my growth then perhaps a read of this will bring you up to speed on where these thoughts would have stemmed from. And so here are the words of a woman who is no longer a girl...
Im naked. Naked, with my self and the reflection in the mirror, a naked body exposed to only me. I stare and the scars the wounds that only I can see burn in my mind. The hurt that I put my self through, no one else, but me. I am staring and looking at this woman in the mirror and the girl in the mirror who used to stare back is growing smaller. The girl would have clawed and screamed at the image in the reflection, she would have cried hid and punished herself for what she thought the mirror was showing her, she looked for imperfection, she looked for weakness she looked for what she didn't want, she looked for perfection. But this woman who stares back at me now, the woman who is growing as the girl is shrinking shows me that I am a woman. I am imperfect but I am and I am not that girl, and as the girls voice tries to take over and put me down as I stand here exposed, the little girl in me with her old beliefs tries to call out and tell me I am ugly or unlovable because I don't look like how I "should" well I stand here naked and exposed and I tell you this, and I talk to you, my body, I talk to you and I bow with sorrow. And so I write to you, and I ask you to hear me.
My body, my home, the host in which my soul dwells, thank you.
Thank you for carrying me everyday. When I was at my darkest and I hated you the most, when I felt let down by you and I despised you, thank you. For all the years I spent criticising you for not looking like I thought you should, for all the years that I deprived you of love and the proper nourishment and care you deserve, for all the times I pushed you past your physical limits and beat you down when you were broken, in pain. and damaged; thank you. I made you keep going through it all and through all the loathing and hostility, you stood by me.
My body, my home, the host in which my soul dwells, how lucky I am to have you in my life. To have you support me through everything this existence has to throw at me. You pick me up and keep me moving, giving me the strength to move forward every day . You have always been there for me, teaching me countless lessons, and being patient through the learning process. Through your lessons I have become more compassionate for both myself and those around me. There was times when you were sick and I was disappointed with your weakness but I see now that you were teaching and giving me wisdom for this journey on earth.
How beautiful, strong, wise, wonderful, and unique you are. You are mine and mine alone. No one else has your unique abilities. You are a masterpiece, a gift and I am sorry for the many years of neglect I gave you. But I am here now. I have arrived and I am no longer blind to your beauty. I promise to no longer try and change you or belittle you. I promise to love you and accept you, to stand in your presence with honour. and together, body, mind, and soul, we will grow.
My body, my home, the host in which my soul dwells. I love you.
I stand here naked, looking at the reflection the woman in the mirror shows me. And I see.